In any company, sooner or later you are going to be exposed to a fiddle, offered a bribe or shown a little way of supplementing your income. Unless you are a complete saint, it will be tempting and you may well want to succumb. Before you do, read this and think carefully.
Bribes are not just white collar matters, anyone from the junior on the shop-floor to a senior executive can be exposed to them.
I was offered my first ‘bung’ at the age of 18 when I was desperate for cash. This was for a whole year’s wages and all I had to do was to make one phone call, read out a six or seven digit number and hang up. The technicalities of what the number related to are irrelevant but it was that occasion, all those years ago, which stopped me in my tracks and made me think of how the future would be if I accepted.
This is what I came up with (and I’ll leave the preaching to preachers – this is just based on experience and pure logic). Let’s assume someone has just offered you a bribe.
The three laws of bribes
The simple fact is that, at this moment in time, you have the power to do something which the other party desires and is unable (or unwilling) to do for themselves. By giving them what they want, you are transferring that power to them and, should you be caught, you will never reacquire that power for yourself. Accordingly, you are selling your own future for an immediate gain. No matter how lowly your job, you will never get that trust back – count on it.
The first law of taking bribes – power can neither be created nor destroyed; it can only be transferred.
Having decided that you want to cash your chips in, think of how you are going to calculate the price. Like any purchse, the other side will be trying to get the goods as cheaply as possible while you will be wanting the best deal you can get. The other side is also (probably) seeing you as an investment for the future – in their eyes, that’s what they are paying for. This first time you can negotiate because you still have all of the power. By the next time they want you, they will already have it. Thus:
The second law of bribes. The first time you are asked to do something, you can name your price. The second time, you will do it for what they offer to pay you (if anything) and the third time will be for free because you will have already been bought (and are now being blackmailed).
So, if you are going to take the offer, make sure that it’s enough to completely remove yourself from the arena and put you in a position whereby you will never need to accept a backhander again.
Once you start, you just can’t stop
Most people are caught because they can’t just stop after one act. As we have seen, this is probably because they won’t be allowed to. The consequences of being nabbed can be dire and very long-lasting – your future would-be employers will hold it against you, be certain.
The third rule of bribes. If you can’t do the time, don’t do the crime.
If you are reading this and under the delusion that I am condoning the act of accepting a bung, then consider an evening I spent at a famous restaurant (I won’t mention its name). There were two strangers at our table and, although a great deal of alcohol was consumed, I was very cagey about them for a reason I could not explain. They worked for one of the national public utilities.
Three months later, I found out they had been authorising payments against invoices for work that had never been done in return for a percentage back from the recipients. By the time I heard this, the two of them were tucked up in nice cosy cells – a bit different from their comfortable ‘jobs for life’ that they had exchanged for a few square feet and a hard bunk.
My advice is to say firmly what I came up with many years ago.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you and please don’t repeat it.”
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